"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
