need another drink. this is the easiest way
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Randomize
