The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize