why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
