obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
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