Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
