wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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