Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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