Have you finally orgasmed yet?
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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