I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I just want to make out with him forever
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Randomize
