She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
