I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
