I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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