And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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