I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
You are the jesus of drinking
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Randomize
