I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
