Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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