Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
