The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
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