I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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