We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
