if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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