At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
