You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
