So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
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