The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
