whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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