i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
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