they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
