No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
