I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
