i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
