i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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