If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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