just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
