pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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