In the future we'll all be gay
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I checked into jail on foursquare
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
