I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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