I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
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