I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
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In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
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I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize