So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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