I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
high people should be assigned attendants
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
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