I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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