I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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