I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Randomize
