Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Pants 0. Shit 1.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
