ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Randomize
