smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
