i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
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Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
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he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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