There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
she smelled like a LAN party
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
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