she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
