She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
This house was built for laser tag.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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