Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
