omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
