I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
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