How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
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