It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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