office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
