Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
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