I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
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