are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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