We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
COCAINE IS GR8
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
