But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
