I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
