You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
